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"You dont think people will be exercising a little restraint?"
"Ill forgive you for that," she said, "but only because I love you. You probably want to shower, and your clothes are laid out for you on the bed. "
I showered and shaved and put on the pair of dark slacks shed laid out for me, then walked into the living room holding the shirt. "Whats this?" I asked.
"Its a guayabera. "
"I can see that. Where did it come from?"
"Yucat?n, originally, except I think this particular one was produced in Taiwan. Maybe its Korea. It says on the label. "
"What I mean is-"
"I bought it for you. Try it on. Let me see. Hey, it looks great. "
"What are all these pockets for? And all this piping. "
"Its the style. Dont you like it?"
"If youd told me in time," I said, "I could have let my sideburns grow and grown a little mustache. Then, with just the right haircut, I could look like a pimp in a 1940s movie. "
"I think you look casual yet commanding. Its a present, incidentally, but you dont have to thank me. "
"Good," I said.
Marilyns Chamber was located in the basement of a warehouse on Washington Street. Meat packagers occupied the premises on either side, and across the street. There was no sign to lead you to the club. The green door was unmarked, with a low-wattage red light bulb just above it. It was ten oclock when we knocked and were admitted by a young man with dark black skin, a shaved head, a sleeveless black jumpsuit, and a black mask. It was a quarter after one when the same young man opened the door and let us out.
There was a cab cruising down Washington Street and I stepped to the curb and hailed it. I gave the driver our address and sat back, and when Elaine started to say something I interrupted her to suggest that we ride home in companionable silence.
"Id rather talk," she said.
"Id rather you didnt. "
"Are you afraid Ill embarrass the driver?"
"No, Im afraid-"
"Because his name is Manmatha Chatterjee. Hes from India, home of the Kama Sutra. His people invented fancy fucking. "
"Please. "
"So hes not going to be embarrassed. "
"I am. "
"Besides, if he blushed, whod know?"
"God damn it…"
"Im whispering," she said, "and he cant possibly hear me, you silly old bear, you. Ill stop. Ill behave. I promise. "
She didnt say anything the rest of the way. In our elevator she said, "May I speak now, master? Or do you suppose the elevator is bugged?"
"I think were safe. "
"I had a good time. And I wasnt too warm in the leather. "
"You might have been if you kept the top on. "
"I suppose. You looked dashing in your guayabera. "
"Casual yet commanding. "
"Ill say. Im really glad we went. Ill tell you, its going to be a while before you see anything like that on television. "
"Let us hope. "
"What I really loved is how ordinary the people looked. Im not talking about what they were wearing, but the people themselves. You go expecting extras from a Fellini movie and you run into folks who could host a Tupperware party. "
"Some sexual underground. "
"But that makes it more exciting," she said, "because its more real. With the body piercing, everybody was so matter-of-fact. And it all seems so weird, doesnt it? Tribal, primitive. "
"And permanent. "
"Like tattoos, but more than skin deep. But my ears are pierced, and when you come right down to it, whats the difference between an earlobe and a nipple?"
"I give up," I said. "Whats the difference?"
We were in our apartment now. "I dont know," she said, slipping both arms around my waist. "Whats the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?"
"Anybody can mash potatoes. "
"I already told you that one, huh?"
"Many times. "
"The old jokes are the best jokes. That was fun, wasnt it? Did you have a good time?"
"Yes. "
"Did it upset you when I took my top off?"
"It surprised me," I said. "It didnt upset me. "
"Well, with all those tits in your face, I didnt want you to forget what mine look like. "
"No chance of that. Yours were the prettiest. "
She danced away from me. "Ha," she said. "Youre gonna get laid tonight anyway, kiddo. You dont have to lie. "
"Who said I was lying?"
"Lets put it this way- if you were Pinocchio, now would be a good time to sit on your nose. "
"Ill tell you what else surprised me," I said. "I thought we agreed we werent going to participate. "
"So who participated? Oh, you mean the girl-girl stuff? I didnt think that counted. "
"Oh. "
"I sort of got into the spirit of things, I guess. Did it bother you?"
"I dont think bother is the right word for it. "
"Did it upset you?"
"Im not sure upset is the right word, either. "
"Got to you, huh?"
"Got to me. "
"Well," she said, "thats why we went, isnt it? So it would get to us? You old bear, you. You know what I think Im going to do? I think Im going to tie you up. Youre not going to fall asleep this time, are you?"
"Probably not," I said. "Not for hours. "
19
Paris Green does a nice brunch on Sundays, with tables set up outside under green-and-white umbrellas. We slept late and started the day there. Then Elaine took a cab to the Sixth Avenue weekend flea market to resume the hunt for urban folk art. I had a second cup of coffee and walked back home.
Jim Shorter had called in our absence, leaving a message on the machine. I rang him back and arranged to meet him in an hour at a meeting at Amsterdam and Ninety-sixth. Then I called another Jim, my sponsor, Jim Faber, to confirm our dinner date and decide which Chinese restaurant to favor with our presence.
We wound up at Vegetarian Heaven, on Fifty-eighth a few doors west of Eighth. The restaurant is a flight below street level, and the chambered dining room is cavernous, with no end of booths and tables, most of them empty.
"Im glad we got here," Jim said. "Ive been meaning to try this place but it looks so tacky from the outside. Do they ever do any business? I hope theyre heroin importers and this is just a sideline. "
"Sometimes they get a crowd at lunch. Elaine loves the place because she can order anything on the menu. Most Chinese restaurants have the same four or five vegetable dishes, and she gets tired of them. "
"She could come here forever," he said, paging through the menu. "You want to order, since youre familiar with the place?"
"Sure. What are you in the mood for?"
"Food," he said. "Good food, and plenty of it. "
While we ate, I talked about how Id spent the afternoon, and how an unpromising sidetrack in a difficult investigation had turned into an unintended Twelfth Step call.
"Its not like you," Jim said. "Youve never displayed a whole lot of missionary zeal. "
"Well, I never figured it was my job to sober up the world," I said. "Early on I wasnt all that sure if I wanted sobriety for my own self, so the last thing I was going to do was try selling it to somebody else. Then, the longer I stayed away from a drink, the more convinced I became that it was none of my goddamn business whether or not other people drank. Maybe the ones who drink are better off drinking. Who am I to say?"
"Your friend Ballou-"
"My friend Mick Ballou drinks heavily every day of his life, and if he ever walked into a meeting theres nobody who would dream of telling him he was in the wrong place. And Im sure its affecting him physically and mentally, even if hes not showing it yet. But hes a grown-up, for Christs sake. He can make his own decisions. "
"But with this fellow uptown-"
"I guess I identified with him," I said. "I looked at his life, or what I fi
gured his life must be, and saw how I could have followed a similar path. Anyway, I didnt set out to drag him to a meeting. I just found myself talking about it, and he seemed interested, and open to suggestion. "
"I think its good for you. Youre not sponsoring anybody else, are you?"
"Im not sponsoring him. "
"Well, it sounds to me like you are, whether either of you are calling it that or not. I think itll do you good to be working with a newcomer. Just dont be surprised when he drinks. "
"No. "
"You cant get anybody sober and you cant keep anybody sober. You know that. "
"Sure. "
"And I hope you remember the definition of successful sponsorship. "
"Thats when the sponsor stays sober. "
"Youre damn right it is. You know, this stuff fools you. You think youre eating meat but youre not. This here is supposed to be what, eel?"
"I think they make it out of soy. "
"Therell come a day," he said, "when they make everything out of soy. Chairs, tables, automobiles, hot turkey sandwiches. Everything. But this is supposed to look and taste like eel, and the thing is if it was the genuine article I wouldnt have anything to do with it, because I dont happen to like eel. I think Im marginally allergic to it. "
"You should have said something when I was ordering it. "
"But if its fake eel, whats the difference? Im not allergic to fake eel. As a matter of fact, I like it. "
"Have some more. "
"I intend to. Elaine eats like this all the time, huh? I dont mean this stuff, I mean vegetarian. She doesnt even eat fish, does she?"
"No. "
"Id miss meat myself. Everything good with you two?"
"Everythings great. "
"You still seeing the other one?"
"Now and then. "
At first I hadnt told him about Lisa, but not for fear of his disapproval. He knows Elaine, and I didnt want to burden him with something I had to keep secret from her, especially if it was something that would end in a couple of weeks. When it didnt, when it went on and on, I talked about it.
"The last time I saw her," I said, "I started out wanting a drink. I called her instead. "
"Well, if those were the two choices, Id say you picked the right one. I dont know that the relationship has much of a future, but I watched a PBS special last night on the greenhouse effect, and you could say the same thing about the human race. Shes not likely to try to break up your marriage, is she?"
"Im not married. "
"You know what I mean. "
I nodded. "Shes just there," I said. "She never calls, and when I call she says to come over. "
"Sounds like the answer to a prayer," he said. "Do me a favor, will you? Find out if shes got a sister. "
We sat a long time over dinner and arrived a few minutes late for the Big Book meeting at St. Clares. Afterward I walked Jim home, then kept going to Grogans Open House at Fiftieth and Tenth. Mick Ballou owns the place, although you wont find his name on the license. He has a farm in Sullivan County, a couple of hours from the city, and another mans name is on the deed. He has a couple of apartments around town, too, and drives a Cadillac Brougham, but for the record he doesnt own a thing. When they finally make their RICO case against him, theyll be hard put to find anything to confiscate.

Tanner on Ice
Hit Me
Hit and Run
Hope to Die
Two For Tanner
Tanners Virgin
Dead Girl Blues
One Night Stands and Lost Weekends
A Drop of the Hard Stuff
The Canceled Czech
Even the Wicked
Me Tanner, You Jane
Quotidian Keller
Small Town
Tanners Tiger
A Walk Among the Tombstones
Tanners Twelve Swingers
Gym Rat & the Murder Club
Everybody Dies
The Thief Who Couldnt Sleep
Hit Parade
The Devil Knows Youre Dead
The Burglar in Short Order
A Long Line of Dead Men
Keller's Homecoming
Resume Speed
Keller's Adjustment
Eight Million Ways to Die
Time to Murder and Create
Out on the Cutting Edge
A Dance at the Slaughter House
In the Midst of Death
When the Sacred Ginmill Closes
You Could Call It Murder
Keller on the Spot
A Ticket to the Boneyard
A Time to Scatter Stones
Keller's Designated Hitter
A Stab in the Dark
Sins of the Fathers
The Burglar in the Closet
Burglar Who Dropped In On Elvis
The Burglar Who Painted Like Mondrian
The Girl With the Long Green Heart
The Burglar Who Counted the Spoons (Bernie Rhodenbarr)
Burglar Who Smelled Smoke
Rude Awakening (Kit Tolliver #2) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
Don't Get in the Car (Kit Tolliver #9) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
CH04 - The Topless Tulip Caper
You Can Call Me Lucky (Kit Tolliver #3) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
CH02 - Chip Harrison Scores Again
Strangers on a Handball Court
Cleveland in My Dreams
Clean Slate (Kit Tolliver #4) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
The Burglar Who Traded Ted Williams
Burglar on the Prowl
In For a Penny (A Story From the Dark Side)
Catch and Release Paperback
Ride A White Horse
No Score
Looking for David (A Matthew Scudder Story Book 7)
Jilling (Kit Tolliver #6) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
Ariel
Enough Rope
Grifter's Game
Canceled Czech
Unfinished Business (Kit Tolliver #12) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
Thirty
The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart
Make Out with Murder
One Last Night at Grogan's (A Matthew Scudder Story Book 11)
The Burglar on the Prowl
Welcome to the Real World (A Story From the Dark Side)
Keller 05 - Hit Me
Walk Among the Tombstones: A Matthew Scudder Crime Novel
Ronald Rabbit Is a Dirty Old Man
The Burglar Who Studied Spinoza
The Burglar Who Liked to Quote Kipling
Keller in Des Moines
Hit List
The Dettweiler Solution
HCC 115 - Borderline
A Drop of the Hard Stuff: A Matthew Scudder Novel
Step by Step
The Girl With the Deep Blue Eyes
If You Can't Stand the Heat (Kit Tolliver #1) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
The Topless Tulip Caper
Dolly's Trash & Treasures (A Story From the Dark Side)
The Triumph of Evil
Fun with Brady and Angelica (Kit Tolliver #10 (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
Burglars Can't Be Choosers
Who Knows Where It Goes (A Story From the Dark Side)
Deadly Honeymoon
Like a Bone in the Throat (A Story From the Dark Side)
A Chance to Get Even (A Story From the Dark Side)
The Boy Who Disappeared Clouds
Collecting Ackermans
Waitress Wanted (Kit Tolliver #5) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
One Thousand Dollars a Word
Even the Wicked: A Matthew Scudder Novel (Matthew Scudder Mysteries)
Hit Man
The Night and The Music
Ehrengraf for the Defense
The Merciful Angel of Death (A Matthew Scudder Story Book 5)
The Burglar in the Rye
I Know How to Pick 'Em
Getting Off hcc-69
Three in the Side Pocket (A Story From the Dark Side)
Let's Get Lost (A Matthew Scudder Story Book 8)
Strange Are the Ways of Love
MOSTLY MURDER: Till Death: a mystery anthology
Masters of Noir: Volume Four
A Week as Andrea Benstock
Scenarios (A Stoiry From the Dark Side)
The Sex Therapists: What They Can Do and How They Do It (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior Book 15)
Like a Thief in the Night: a Bernie Rhodenbarr story
A Diet of Treacle
Community of Women
Different Strokes: How I (Gulp!) Wrote, Directed, and Starred in an X-rated Movie (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
You Don't Even Feel It (A Story From the Dark Side)
Zeroing In (Kit Tolliver #11) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
The Wife-Swap Report (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
Keller's Fedora (Kindle Single)
Speaking of Lust
Everybody Dies (Matthew Scudder)
Defender of the Innocent: The Casebook of Martin Ehrengraf
After the First Death
Writing the Novel
How Far - a one-act stage play
Chip Harrison Scores Again
The Topless Tulip Caper ch-4
The Crime of Our Lives
Killing Castro
The Trouble with Eden
Nothing Short of Highway Robbery
Sin Hellcat
Getting Off: A Novel of Sex & Violence (Hard Case Crime)
Coward's Kiss
Alive in Shape and Color
Blow for Freedom
The New Sexual Underground: Crossing the Last Boundaries (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior Book 10)
April North
Lucky at Cards
One Night Stands; Lost weekends
Sweet Little Hands (A Story From the Dark Side)
Blood on Their Hands
A Dance at the Slaughterhouse
Headaches and Bad Dreams (A Story From the Dark Side)
Keller's Therapy
The Specialists
Hit and Run jk-4
Threesome
Love at a Tender Age (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
The Devil Knows You're Dead: A MATTHEW SCUDDER CRIME NOVEL
Funny You Should Ask
CH01 - No Score
Sex and the Stewardess (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
A Madwoman's Diary
When This Man Dies
Sinner Man
Such Men Are Dangerous
A Strange Kind of Love
Enough of Sorrow
69 Barrow Street
A Moment of Wrong Thinking (Matthew Scudder Mysteries Series Book 9)
Eight Million Ways to Die ms-5
Warm and Willing
Mona
In Sunlight or In Shadow
A Candle for the Bag Lady (Matthew Scudder Book 2)
Conjugal Rites (Kit Tolliver #7) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
Speaking of Lust - the novella
Gigolo Johnny Wells
Dark City Lights
Versatile Ladies: the bisexual option (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
Passport to Peril
The Taboo Breakers: Shock Troops of the Sexual Revolution (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
Lucky at Cards hcc-28
Campus Tramp
3 is Not a Crowd (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
Manhattan Noir
The Burglar in the Library
Doing It! - Going Beyond the Sexual Revolution (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior Book 13)
So Willing
The Burglar Who Traded Ted Williams br-6
Candy
Sex Without Strings: A Handbook for Consenting Adults (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
The Devil Knows You're Dead: A MATTHEW SCUDDER CRIME NOVEL (Matthew Scudder Mysteries)
Manhattan Noir 2
The Scoreless Thai (aka Two For Tanner)