Out on the Cutting Edge Read online

Page 19

 

  "And baseball. "

  "I thought that was the Russians. "

  We finished everything, just as shed predicted. She cleared the table, opened a second bottle of Becks. "Ill have to learn the ground rules," she said. "I feel a little funny about drinking in front of you. "

  "Do I make you uncomfortable?"

  "No, but Im afraid Ill make you uncomfortable. I didnt know if it was all right to talk about how great beer is with Chinese food because, oh, I dont know. Is is all right to talk about booze that way?"

  "What do you think we do at meetings? We talk about booze all the time. Some of us spend more time talking about it than we used to spend drinking it. "

  "But dont you tell yourselves how terrible it was?"

  "Sometimes. And sometimes we tell each other how wonderful it was. "

  "I never would have guessed that. "

  "That didnt surprise me as much as the laughter. People tell about the damnedest things that happened to them, and everybody breaks up. "

  "I wouldnt think theyd talk about it, let alone laugh. I guess I thought it would be like mentioning rope in the house of the hanged. "

  "In the house of the hanged," I said, "thats probably the chief topic of conversation. "

  * * *

  Later she said, "I keep wanting to bring the flowers in here. Thats crazy, theres no room for them. Theyre better in the kitchen. "

  "Theyll still be there in the morning. "

  "Im like a kid, arent I? Can I tell you something?"

  "Sure. "

  "God. I dont know if I should tell you this. Well, with that preamble, I guess I have to, dont I? Nobody ever gave me flowers before. "

  "Thats pretty hard to believe. "

  "Why is it so hard to believe? I spent twenty years devoting myself heart and soul to revolutionary politics. Radical activists dont give each other flowers. I mean, talk about your bourgeois sentimentality, your late capitalist decadence. Mao said let a thousand flowers bloom, but that didnt mean you were supposed to pluck a handful and take them home to your sweetie. You werent even supposed to have a sweetie. If a relationship didnt serve the party, you had no business in it. "

  "But you got out of there a few years ago. You were married. "

  "To an old hippie. Long hair and fringed buckskin and love beads. He should have had a 1967 calendar on his wall. He was locked in the sixties, he never knew theyd ended. " She shook her head. "He never brought home flowers. Flowering tops, yes, but not flowers. "

  "Flowering tops?"

  "The most potent part of the marijuana plant. Cannabis sativa, if you want to be formal. Do you smoke?"

  "No. "

  "I havent in years, because Im afraid it would lead me right back to cigarettes. Thats funny, isnt it? They try to scare you that itll lead to heroin, and Im afraid it might lead to tobacco. But I never liked it that much. I never liked feeling out of control. "

  The flowers were still there in the morning.

  I hadnt intended to stay the night, but then I hadnt planned on dropping in on her in the first place. The hours just slipped away from us. We talked, we shared silences, we listened to music, and to the rain.

  I awoke before she did. I had a drunk dream. Theyre not uncommon, but I hadnt had one in a while. The details were gone by the time I got my eyes open, but in the dream someone had offered me a beer and I had taken it without thinking. By the time I realized I couldnt do that, Id already drunk half of it.

  I woke up not sure if it was a dream and not entirely certain where I was. It was six in the morning and I wouldnt have wanted to go back to sleep even if I could, for fear of slipping back into the dream. I got up and dressed, not showering to keep from waking her. I was tying my shoes when I felt that I was being watched, and I turned to see her looking at me.

  "Its early," I said. "Go back to sleep. Ill call you later. "

  I went back to my hotel. There was a message for me. Jim Faber had called, but it was far too early to call him back. I went upstairs and showered and shaved, then stretched out on the bed for a minute and surprised myself by dozing off. I hadnt even felt tired, but I wound up sleeping for three hours and woke up groggy.

  I took another shower and shook off the grogginess. I called Jim at his shop.

  "I missed you last night," he said. "I was just wondering how you were doing. "

  "Im fine. "

  "Im glad to hear it. You missed a great qualification. "

  "Oh?"

  "Guy from Midtown Group. Very funny stuff. He went through a period where he kept trying to kill himself and couldnt get it right. He couldnt swim a stroke, so he rented a flat-bottom rowboat and rowed for miles. Finally, he stood up, said. Goodbye, cruel world, and threw himself over the side. "

  "And?"

  "And he was on a sandbar. He was in two feet of water. "

  "Sometimes you cant do a single thing right. "

  "Yeah, everybody has days like that. "

  "I had a drunk dream last night," I said.

  "Oh?"

  "I drank half a beer before I realized what I was doing. Then I realized, and I felt horrible, and I drank the rest of it. "

  "Where was this?"

  "I dont remember the details. "

  "No, where was it you spent the night?"

  "Nosy bastard, arent you? I stayed over with Willa. "

  "Thats her name? The super?"

  "Thats right. "

  "Was she drinking?"

  "Not enough to matter. "

  "Not enough to matter to whom?"

  "Jesus Christ," I said. "I was with her for about eight hours, not counting the time we slept, and in all that time she had two beers, one with dinner and one after. Does that make her an alcoholic?"

  "Thats not the question. The question is does it make you uncomfortable. "

  "I cant remember when I last spent a more comfortable night. "

  "What brand of beer was she drinking?"

  "Becks. Whats the difference?"

  "What did you drink in your dream?"

  "I dont remember. "

  "What did it taste like?"

  "I dont remember the taste. I wasnt aware of it. "

  "Thats a hell of a note. If youre going to drink in your dreams, at least you ought to be able to taste it and enjoy it. You want to get together for lunch?"

  "I cant. Ive got some things I have to do. "

  "Maybe Ill see you tonight, then. "

  "Maybe. "

  I hung up, irritated. I felt as though I was being treated like a child, and my response was to turn childishly irritable. What difference did it make what kind of beer I drank in my dream?

  Andreotti wasnt on duty when I got over to the precinct house. He was downtown, testifying before a grand jury. The guy hed been partnered with, Bill Bellamy, couldnt understand what I wanted with the medical examiners report.

  "You were there," he said. "Its open and shut. Time of death was sometime late Saturday night or early Sunday morning, thats according to the preliminary report from the man on the scene. All evidence on the scene supports a finding of accidental death by autoerotic asphyxiation. Everything- the pornography, the position of the body, the nudity, everything. We see these all the time, Scudder. "

  "I know. "

  "Then you probably know its the best-kept secret in America, because what papers going to print that the deceased died jerking off with a rope around his neck? And its not just kids. We had one last year, this was a married guy and his wife found him. Decent people, beautiful apartment on West End Avenue. Married fifteen years! Poor woman didnt understand, couldnt understand. She couldnt even believe that he masturbated, let alone that he liked to strangle hisself while he did it. "

  "I understand how it works. "

  "Then whats your interest? You got some kind of an insurance angle, your client cant collect if you get a suicide verdict?"

  "I havent got a client. And I doubt he had any insurance. "
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  "Because I remember we had an insurance investigator come up in connection with the gentleman from West End Avenue. He had a whole lot of coverage, too. Might have been as much as a million dollars. "

  "And they didnt want to pay it?"

  "They were going to have to pay something. Suicidell only nullify a policy for a certain amount of time after its taken out, to prevent you from signing up when youve already decided to kill yourself. This case, hed had the policy long enough so suicide didnt cancel it. So what was the hook?" He frowned, then brightened. "Oh, right. He had that double indemnity clause where they pay you twice as much for accidental death. I have to say I never saw the logic to that. I mean, dead is dead. Whats the difference if you have a heart attack or wreck your car? Your wifes got the same living expenses, your kids college is gonna cost the same. I never understood it. "

  "The insurer didnt want to accept a claim of accidental death?"

  "You got it. Said a man puts a rope around his neck and hangs hisself, thats suicide. The wife got herself a good lawyer and they had to pay the whole amount. Man had the intention of hanging hisself, but he did not have the intention of killing hisself, and that made it an accident and not a suicide. " He smiled, liking the justice of it, then remembered the matter at hand. "But youre not here about insurance. "

  "No, and Im pretty sure he didnt have any. He was a friend of mine. "

  "Interesting friend for you to have. Turns out he had a sheet on him longer than his dick. "

  "Mostly small-time, wasnt it?"

  "According to what he got collared for. Far as what he got away with, how could you say? Maybe he kidnapped the Lindbergh baby and went scot-free. "

  "I think it was a little before his time. I have a fair idea of the kind of life he used to lead, although I dont know the details. But for the past year hes been staying sober. "

  "Youre saying he was an alcoholic. "

  "A sober one. "

  "And?"

  "I want to know if he died sober. "

  "What difference does it make?"

  "Its hard to explain. "

  "I got an uncle used to be a terrible alcoholic. He quit drinking and now hes a different person. "

  "It works that way sometimes. "

  "Used to be you didnt want to know the man, and now hes a fine human being. Goes to church, holds a job, acts right with people. Your friend, it didnt look like hed been drinking. There was no bottles laying around. "

  "No, but he might have done some drinking elsewhere. Or he could have taken other drugs. "

  "You mean like heroin?"

  "I would doubt it. "

  "Because I didnt see no tracks. Still, theres more than you think thatll snort it. "

  "Any drugs," I said. "Theyre doing a complete autopsy, arent they?"

  "They got to. The law requires it. "

  "Well, could I see the results when you get them?"

  "Just so youll know if he died sober?" He sighed. "I guess. But what does it matter? They got some rule, hes got to be sober when he dies or they wont bury him in the good section of the cemetery?"