- Home
- Lawrence Block
Hit Me Page 18
Hit Me Read online
Page 18
Page 18
It was evening, and Jenny had gone to bed, clutching her new rabbit. Julia and Keller were at the kitchen table, drinking coffee with chicory.
“I wasn’t sure it would work,” he said.
“But you came home anyway. ”
“Well, if it didn’t work, what was I going to do about it? I didn’t have anything else to try. ” He thought for a moment. “Besides, I was ready to come home. I had you and Jenny to come home to. ”
“Otherwise you’d have stayed there. ”
“Probably. But there wouldn’t have been any real point to it. ”
“More coffee?”
“No, I’m good. Does it bother you that he was a priest?”
“No, why should it?”
“Well, it’s your church. ”
“Only in the most tenuous way. I’m the child of lapsed Catholics. I was baptized, that was their sole concession to their own upbringing, but it was pretty much the extent of my own involvement with the Church. ”
“I never asked you if you wanted Jenny baptized. ”
“Don’t you think I’d have said something? Do you even know what baptism is for?”
“Isn’t it to make you a Catholic?”
“No, darling, guilt is what makes you a Catholic. What baptism does is rid you of original sin. Do you suppose our daughter is greatly weighed down by the burden of original sin?”
“I don’t even know how you could go about finding an original sin these days. ”
“I suppose selling somebody else’s kidney might qualify. And no, what do I care about some fat drunken priest whose greatest boast was that all his sins were strictly heterosexual? You want to know what’s exciting?”
“What?”
“That you can tell me all this. That we can sit here drinking coffee—”
“Damn good coffee, too. ”
“—and either of us can tell the other anything about anything, and how many people have anything like that? God, though, I have to say I’m glad you’re home. ”
“Me, too,” Keller said.
KELLER AT SEA
Twenty-Two
When Julia and Jenny got home from day care, Keller was sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee and a magazine, The American Stamp Dealer & Collector. He’d picked it up after he got off the phone, but couldn’t keep his mind on what he was reading. It was restless, darting all over the place. So he was more than happy to set it aside and ask his daughter what she’d learned in school that morning.
It wasn’t a school, and the harried woman who ran it didn’t try to teach her charges much; she was happy if she managed to keep them from hitting each other and screaming their little heads off. But Jenny, Julia had reported, called it school, and took the whole enterprise very seriously. As far as she was concerned, she went there to learn stuff, and it seemed to piss her off that they weren’t teaching her to read.
So Julia had picked up a book on phonics, and Jenny was learning to sound words out. You couldn’t always understand what she was saying, because there were words she couldn’t yet get her tongue around, but damned if she wasn’t reading.
She had her lunch and went in for her nap, and Keller asked Julia if she’d like to go on a cruise.
“A cruise,” she said. “You mean like on a ship? Yes, of course that’s what you mean. A cruise. You know, that sounds heavenly. When were you thinking? In the winter?”
“Actually,” he said, “it would be sooner than that. ”
“Late fall?”
“A lot sooner. ”
“Oh. Can you get away?”
“There’s no work,” he said. “Getting away has never been less of a problem. Donny called me this morning, very apologetic. He’s hired on with a contractor based over in Slidell. Says the pay’s not much but he’s sick of sitting in front of the TV while he runs through his savings. At least he’ll have something to do and some money coming in. ”
“That part’s good. But he must feel awful. ”
Donny Wallings had given Keller a job when he’d first moved in with Julia, and almost before Keller knew it he’d found himself a partner in an enterprise that bought distressed homes, patched them up, and flipped them. That worked well in the early post-Katrina days, but then the economy cratered and there was no money to be had for home renovation loans, no money to finance home sales. And, just like that, no business.
“He was concerned about us,” Keller said. “But I told him we were okay. ”
“Are we? I mean I know we are, but can we afford to pick up and go on a cruise? You know, if we can it’s actually the perfect kind of vacation. I bet Jenny’d love it, too. There are plenty of cruises out of New Orleans, and you can literally walk from here to the cruise port. Unless our ship uses the Poland Avenue terminal, and that’s what, a ten-minute ride?”
“We’d be leaving from Fort Lauderdale,” he said.
“In Florida?” She looked at him. “You’ve got a particular cruise in mind. Did somebody call this morning? Besides Donny?”
He’d just got off the phone with Donny when it rang again. He picked it up, and Dot said, “Keller, I can’t help thinking you need a vacation. But before I go any further, there’s something I have to ask you. Do you get seasick?”
“Seasick?”
“You know, rushing to the rail, tossing your cookies, feeding the fish? Seasick, Keller. What happens to you on the high seas?”
“I don’t know,” he said.
“You’ve never been on a boat? And the Staten Island Ferry doesn’t count. ”
“I’ve been on the Gulf,” he said. “I don’t know if that counts. A friend of Julia’s, well, he and his wife are actually friends of both of us by now—”
“Do I really need to know that part, Keller?”
“Probably not. I’ve been out a few times. Fishing, but I have to admit I never caught anything. ”
“But you didn’t get seasick? Have they got waves there?”
“It’s the Gulf of Mexico,” he said, “so yes, there are waves, but they don’t toss you around all that much. One time it was a little choppy, but I hardly noticed it. ”
“So you’re a good sailor, Keller. And the cruise ships have stabilizers, and you can always take Dramamine, so I’m sure you’ll do fine. Keller? Where’d you go?”
“I’m right here, waiting for you to tell me what you’re talking about. ”
“Oh,” she said, “I thought it was perfectly obvious. You’re going on a cruise. ”
“Saturday,” Julia said. “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Why are you looking at me like that?”
“If you were Jenny,” he said, “I’d congratulate you for getting your days right. ”
“My point is there’s not much time. ”
“I know. ”
“I suppose we’d have to fly over there on Friday. ”
“The ship doesn’t sail until late afternoon. We could get a flight Saturday morning and be there in plenty of time. ”
“It sails from Fort Lauderdale and returns to Fort Lauderdale. So you’re back where you started. There’s a pointlessness about it that’s curiously appealing. ”
“There is?”
“Yet at the same time,” she said, “it won’t be entirely pointless, will it? You’ll be working. ”
“That’s right, and I can see where that might be a deal-breaker right there. There’s something I’ll have to do. ”
“Something you’ll have to do. Some passenger for whom the cruise will have a surprise ending. Do they still bury people at sea?”
“I don’t think so. ”
“There’s probably an ecological argument against it, though I couldn’t think why. People are biodegradable, aren’t they?” She stepped behind him, put her hands on his shoulders, and began to knead the muscles. “You’re all tense,” she announced. “This feel good?”
“Very. ”
“I know what you do,” she
said, “and I don’t entirely know how I feel about it, but I don’t seem to mind. I honestly don’t. ”
“I know. ”
“But I’m not there when it happens, am I? And in a sense I wouldn’t be this time either, in that I wouldn’t be in the room when—when what? When push came to shove?”
“When it goes down,” he suggested.
“That works. I wouldn’t be in the room, or I suppose you call it a cabin. Or is it a stateroom? Is there a difference between a cabin and a stateroom?”
“I have no idea. ”
“Does Dot know you’re thinking about taking me along?”
“She suggested it. ”
“You’re kidding. ”
“She apologized for the fact that it wasn’t that long since New York, and I said I didn’t really feel like being separated from you again so soon. ‘It’s a nice big cabin,’ she said. ‘Plenty of room for two. ’ And she went on to say I’d be a lot less conspicuous if I had a companion. ”
“That actually makes sense. ”
“I guess. ”
“‘Look at that handsome gentleman all by himself. I wonder what his story might be. ’ But with me along you’re far less interesting. I want to come. ”
“To make me less interesting?”
“Partly that. Partly because I’ve never been on a cruise. Partly because I don’t feel like being home in New Orleans while you’re island-hopping. And partly because it scares me. ”
“Then why—”
“‘Do the thing you’re afraid of. ’ I read that somewhere. Don’t ask me where. ”
“I won’t. ”
“But as for taking Jenny—”
“No. ”
“Even if I were deranged enough to think it was a good idea, we don’t have time to get her a passport. She’d need one, wouldn’t she?”
“It doesn’t matter, because neither of us is nuts enough to take her. But yes, she’d have to have a passport. ”
“These days you just about need one to cross a state line. Well, this way she’ll have her own vacation. ” She went to the phone, dialed a number she didn’t have to look up. She said, “Claudia? Julia Edwards. Darlin’, Nicholas told me how Donny’s hired on with a crew, and I just want to say I was glad to hear it. Not that he had to but that he was able to, you know? And I know Nicholas already told Donny that we’re fine here, but I wanted to say so myself, to you…”
Keller knew where the conversation was headed, but didn’t feel the need to listen to it. He reached for his magazine and got lost in an article about a recently discovered cache of letters to and from a young Mississippian in Pemberton’s army who’d been killed during Grant’s siege of Vicksburg. He surfaced in time to hear Julia say she had a real big favor to ask, and Claudia should feel completely comfortable saying no. Then he went back to a letter filled with the youth’s big plans for after the war was over. The letter was dated March 7, 1863, at which time its author had all of three months to live.

Tanner on Ice
Hit Me
Hit and Run
Hope to Die
Two For Tanner
Tanners Virgin
Dead Girl Blues
One Night Stands and Lost Weekends
A Drop of the Hard Stuff
The Canceled Czech
Even the Wicked
Me Tanner, You Jane
Quotidian Keller
Small Town
Tanners Tiger
A Walk Among the Tombstones
Tanners Twelve Swingers
Gym Rat & the Murder Club
Everybody Dies
The Thief Who Couldnt Sleep
Hit Parade
The Devil Knows Youre Dead
The Burglar in Short Order
A Long Line of Dead Men
Keller's Homecoming
Resume Speed
Keller's Adjustment
Eight Million Ways to Die
Time to Murder and Create
Out on the Cutting Edge
A Dance at the Slaughter House
In the Midst of Death
When the Sacred Ginmill Closes
You Could Call It Murder
Keller on the Spot
A Ticket to the Boneyard
A Time to Scatter Stones
Keller's Designated Hitter
A Stab in the Dark
Sins of the Fathers
The Burglar in the Closet
Burglar Who Dropped In On Elvis
The Burglar Who Painted Like Mondrian
The Girl With the Long Green Heart
The Burglar Who Counted the Spoons (Bernie Rhodenbarr)
Burglar Who Smelled Smoke
Rude Awakening (Kit Tolliver #2) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
Don't Get in the Car (Kit Tolliver #9) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
CH04 - The Topless Tulip Caper
You Can Call Me Lucky (Kit Tolliver #3) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
CH02 - Chip Harrison Scores Again
Strangers on a Handball Court
Cleveland in My Dreams
Clean Slate (Kit Tolliver #4) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
The Burglar Who Traded Ted Williams
Burglar on the Prowl
In For a Penny (A Story From the Dark Side)
Catch and Release Paperback
Ride A White Horse
No Score
Looking for David (A Matthew Scudder Story Book 7)
Jilling (Kit Tolliver #6) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
Ariel
Enough Rope
Grifter's Game
Canceled Czech
Unfinished Business (Kit Tolliver #12) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
Thirty
The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart
Make Out with Murder
One Last Night at Grogan's (A Matthew Scudder Story Book 11)
The Burglar on the Prowl
Welcome to the Real World (A Story From the Dark Side)
Keller 05 - Hit Me
Walk Among the Tombstones: A Matthew Scudder Crime Novel
Ronald Rabbit Is a Dirty Old Man
The Burglar Who Studied Spinoza
The Burglar Who Liked to Quote Kipling
Keller in Des Moines
Hit List
The Dettweiler Solution
HCC 115 - Borderline
A Drop of the Hard Stuff: A Matthew Scudder Novel
Step by Step
The Girl With the Deep Blue Eyes
If You Can't Stand the Heat (Kit Tolliver #1) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
The Topless Tulip Caper
Dolly's Trash & Treasures (A Story From the Dark Side)
The Triumph of Evil
Fun with Brady and Angelica (Kit Tolliver #10 (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
Burglars Can't Be Choosers
Who Knows Where It Goes (A Story From the Dark Side)
Deadly Honeymoon
Like a Bone in the Throat (A Story From the Dark Side)
A Chance to Get Even (A Story From the Dark Side)
The Boy Who Disappeared Clouds
Collecting Ackermans
Waitress Wanted (Kit Tolliver #5) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
One Thousand Dollars a Word
Even the Wicked: A Matthew Scudder Novel (Matthew Scudder Mysteries)
Hit Man
The Night and The Music
Ehrengraf for the Defense
The Merciful Angel of Death (A Matthew Scudder Story Book 5)
The Burglar in the Rye
I Know How to Pick 'Em
Getting Off hcc-69
Three in the Side Pocket (A Story From the Dark Side)
Let's Get Lost (A Matthew Scudder Story Book 8)
Strange Are the Ways of Love
MOSTLY MURDER: Till Death: a mystery anthology
Masters of Noir: Volume Four
A Week as Andrea Benstock
Scenarios (A Stoiry From the Dark Side)
The Sex Therapists: What They Can Do and How They Do It (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior Book 15)
Like a Thief in the Night: a Bernie Rhodenbarr story
A Diet of Treacle
Community of Women
Different Strokes: How I (Gulp!) Wrote, Directed, and Starred in an X-rated Movie (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
You Don't Even Feel It (A Story From the Dark Side)
Zeroing In (Kit Tolliver #11) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
The Wife-Swap Report (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
Keller's Fedora (Kindle Single)
Speaking of Lust
Everybody Dies (Matthew Scudder)
Defender of the Innocent: The Casebook of Martin Ehrengraf
After the First Death
Writing the Novel
How Far - a one-act stage play
Chip Harrison Scores Again
The Topless Tulip Caper ch-4
The Crime of Our Lives
Killing Castro
The Trouble with Eden
Nothing Short of Highway Robbery
Sin Hellcat
Getting Off: A Novel of Sex & Violence (Hard Case Crime)
Coward's Kiss
Alive in Shape and Color
Blow for Freedom
The New Sexual Underground: Crossing the Last Boundaries (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior Book 10)
April North
Lucky at Cards
One Night Stands; Lost weekends
Sweet Little Hands (A Story From the Dark Side)
Blood on Their Hands
A Dance at the Slaughterhouse
Headaches and Bad Dreams (A Story From the Dark Side)
Keller's Therapy
The Specialists
Hit and Run jk-4
Threesome
Love at a Tender Age (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
The Devil Knows You're Dead: A MATTHEW SCUDDER CRIME NOVEL
Funny You Should Ask
CH01 - No Score
Sex and the Stewardess (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
A Madwoman's Diary
When This Man Dies
Sinner Man
Such Men Are Dangerous
A Strange Kind of Love
Enough of Sorrow
69 Barrow Street
A Moment of Wrong Thinking (Matthew Scudder Mysteries Series Book 9)
Eight Million Ways to Die ms-5
Warm and Willing
Mona
In Sunlight or In Shadow
A Candle for the Bag Lady (Matthew Scudder Book 2)
Conjugal Rites (Kit Tolliver #7) (The Kit Tolliver Stories)
Speaking of Lust - the novella
Gigolo Johnny Wells
Dark City Lights
Versatile Ladies: the bisexual option (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
Passport to Peril
The Taboo Breakers: Shock Troops of the Sexual Revolution (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
Lucky at Cards hcc-28
Campus Tramp
3 is Not a Crowd (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
Manhattan Noir
The Burglar in the Library
Doing It! - Going Beyond the Sexual Revolution (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior Book 13)
So Willing
The Burglar Who Traded Ted Williams br-6
Candy
Sex Without Strings: A Handbook for Consenting Adults (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior)
The Devil Knows You're Dead: A MATTHEW SCUDDER CRIME NOVEL (Matthew Scudder Mysteries)
Manhattan Noir 2
The Scoreless Thai (aka Two For Tanner)