Catch and Release Paperback Read online

  And I won’t ask, but I could probably guess.

  BILLY

  (grinning)

  You probably could.

  (back to business)

  Martial arts. He ever get into any of that?

  DOROTHY

  No.

  BILLY

  You’re sure? Not lately, but maybe before the two of you started keeping company?

  DOROTHY

  He never said. And he would, it’s the kind of thing he’d brag about.

  BILLY

  Does he carry?

  DOROTHY

  Carry?

  BILLY

  A gun.

  DOROTHY

  God, no.

  BILLY

  You know this for a fact?

  DOROTHY

  He doesn’t even own a gun.

  BILLY

  Same question. Do you know this for a fact?

  DOROTHY

  Well, how would you know something like that for a fact? I mean, you could know for a fact that a person did own a gun, but how would you know that he didn’t? I can say this much—I lived with him for three years and there was never anything I saw or heard that gave me the slightest reason to think he might own a gun. Until you asked the question just now it never entered my mind, and my guess is it never entered his mind, either.

  BILLY

  You’d be surprised how many people own guns.

  DOROTHY

  I probably would.

  BILLY

  Sometimes it feels like half the country walks around strapped. There’s more carrying than there are carry permits. A guy doesn’t have a permit, he’s likely to keep it to himself that he’s carrying, or that he even owns a gun in the first place.

  DOROTHY

  I’m pretty sure he doesn’t own a gun, let alone carry one.

  BILLY

  And you’re probably right, but the thing is you never know. What you got to prepare for is he might have a gun, and he might be carrying it.

  (he waits while she takes this in and nods)

  So here’s what I’ve got to ask you. What you got to ask yourself, and come up with the answer. How far are you prepared for this to go?

  DOROTHY

  I’m not sure what you mean.

  BILLY

  We already said it’s gonna be physical. Manhandling him, and a couple of shots he’ll feel for the better part of a week. Work the rib cage, say.

  DOROTHY

  All right.

  BILLY

  Well, that’s great, if that’s how it goes. But you got to recognize it could go farther.

  DOROTHY

  What do you mean?

  BILLY

  I mean you can’t necessarily decide where it stops. I don’t know if you ever heard the expression, but it’s like, uh, having relations with a gorilla. You don’t stop when you decide. You stop when the gorilla decides.

  DOROTHY

  I never heard that before. It’s cute, and I sort of get the point, or maybe I don’t. Is Howard Bellamy the gorilla?

  BILLY

  He’s not the gorilla. The violence is the gorilla.

  DOROTHY

  Oh.

  BILLY

  You start something, you don’t know where it goes. Does he fight back? If he does, then it goes a little farther than you planned. Does he keep coming back for more? As long as he keeps coming back for it, you got to keep dishing it out. You got no choice.

  DOROTHY

  I see.

  BILLY

  Plus there’s the human factor. The boys themselves, they don’t have an emotional stake. So you figure they’re cool and professional about it.

  DOROTHY

  That’s what I figured.

  BILLY

  But it’s only true up to a point, because they’re human, you know? So they start out making themselves angry with the guy, they tell themselves how he’s a lowlife piece of garbage, so it’s easier for them to shove him around. Part of it’s an act but part of it’s not, and say he mouths off, or fights back and gets in a good lick. Now they’re really angry, and maybe they do more damage than they intended to.

  DOROTHY

  I can see how that could happen.

  BILLY

  So it could go farther than anybody had in mind. He could wind up in the hospital.

  DOROTHY

  You mean like broken bones?

  BILLY

  Or worse. Like a ruptured spleen, which I’ve known of cases. Or as far as that goes there’s people who’ve died from a bare-knuckle punch in the stomach.

  DOROTHY

  I saw a movie where that happened.

  BILLY

  Well, I saw a movie where a guy spreads his arms and flies, but dying from a punch in the stomach, they didn’t just make that up for the movies. It can happen.

  DOROTHY

  Now you’ve got me thinking.

  BILLY

  Well, it’s something you got to think about. Because you have to be prepared for this to go all the way, and by all the way I mean all the way. It probably won’t, ninety-five times out of a hundred it won’t.

  DOROTHY

  But it could.

  BILLY

  Right. It could.

  DOROTHY

  Jesus. He’s a son of a bitch, but I don’t want him dead. I want to be done with the son of a bitch. I don’t want him on my conscience for the rest of my life.

  BILLY

  That’s what I figured.

  DOROTHY

  But I don’t want to pay him ten thousand dollars either, the son of a bitch. This is getting complicated, isn’t it?

  BILLY

  (getting to his feet)

  Let me excuse myself for a minute, and you think about it, and we’ll talk some more.

  (He goes to the men’s room. She takes a small sip from her half-empty glass, sets it down, picks up his book, examines it, puts it back. He comes back.)

  DOROTHY

  Well, I thought about it.

  BILLY

  And?

  DOROTHY

  I think you just talked yourself out of five hundred dollars.

  BILLY

  That’s what I figured.

  DOROTHY

  Because I certainly don’t want him dead, and I don’t even want him in the hospital. I have to admit I like the idea of him being scared, really scared bad. And hurt a little. But that’s just because I’m angry.

  BILLY

  Anybody’d be angry.

  DOROTHY

  But when I get past the anger, all I really want is for him to forget this crap about ten thousand dollars. For Christ’s sake, that’s all the money I’ve got in the world. I don’t want to give it to him.

  BILLY

  Maybe you don’t have to.

  DOROTHY

  What do you mean?

  BILLY

  I don’t think it’s about money. Not for him. It’s about sticking it to you for dumping him, or whatever. So it’s an emotional thing and it’s easy for you to buy into it. But say it was a business thing. You’re right and he’s wrong, but it’s more trouble than it’s worth to fight it out. So what you do is settle.

  DOROTHY

  Settle?

  BILLY

  You always paid your own way, so it wouldn’t be out of the question for you to pay half the cost of the cruise, would it?

  DOROTHY

  No, but—

  BILLY

  But it was supposed to be a present, from him to you. But forget that for the time being. You could pay half.

  (beat)

  Still, that’s too much. What you do is offer him two thousand dollars. I have a feeling he’ll take it.

  DOROTHY

  God, I can’t even talk to him. How am I going to offer him anything?

  BILLY

  You’ll have someone else make the offer.

  DOROTHY

  You mean like a lawyer?

  BILLY

  Then you owe the lawyer
. No, I was thinking I could do it.

  DOROTHY

  Are you serious?

  BILLY

  I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t. I think if I was to make the offer he’d accept it. I wouldn’t be threatening him, but there’s a way to do it so a guy feels threatened.

  DOROTHY

  (sizing him up)

  He’d feel threatened, all right.

  BILLY

  I’ll have your check with me, two thousand dollars, payable to him. My guess is he’ll take it, and if he does you won’t hear any more from him on the subject of the ten grand.

  DOROTHY

  So I’m out of it for two thousand. And five hundred for you?

  BILLY

  I wouldn’t charge you anything.

  DOROTHY

  Why not?

  BILLY

  All I’d be doing is having a conversation with a guy. I don’t charge for conversations. I’m not a lawyer, I’m just a guy owns a couple of parking lots.

  DOROTHY

  And reads thick novels by young Indian writers.

  BILLY

  Oh, this? You read it?

  (she shakes her head no)

  It’s hard to keep the names straight, especially when you’re not sure how to pronounce them in the first place. And it’s like if you ask this guy what time it is he tells you how to make a watch. Or maybe a sun dial. But it’s pretty interesting.

  DOROTHY

  I never thought you’d be a reader.

  BILLY

  Billy Parking Lots. Guy who knows guys and can get things done. That’s probably all Tommy said about me.

  DOROTHY

  Just about.

  BILLY

  Maybe that’s all I am. Reading, well, it’s an edge I got on just about everybody I know. It opens other worlds. I don’t live in those worlds, but I get to visit them.

  DOROTHY

  And you just got in the habit of reading? The way you got in the habit of working out?

  BILLY

  (laughs)

  No, reading’s something I’ve done since I was a kid. I didn’t have to go away to get in that particular habit.

  DOROTHY

  I was wondering about that.

  BILLY

  Anyway, it’s hard to read there, harder than people think. It’s noisy all the time.

  DOROTHY

  Really? I didn’t realize. I always figured that’s when I’d get to read War and Peace, when I got sent to prison. But if it’s noisy, then the hell with it. I’m not going.

  BILLY

  You’re something else.

  DOROTHY

  Me?

  BILLY

  Yeah, you. The way you look, of course, but beyond the looks. The only word I can think of is class, but that’s a word that’s mostly used by people that haven’t got any themselves. Which is probably true enough.

  DOROTHY

  The hell with that. After the conversation we just had? Talking me out of doing something I could have regretted all my life, and figuring out how to get that son of a bitch off my back for two thousand dollars? I’d call that class.

  BILLY

  Well, you’re seeing me at my best.

  DOROTHY

  And you’re seeing me at my worst, or close to it. Looking to hire a guy to beat up an ex-boyfriend. That’s class, all right.

  BILLY

  That’s not what I see.

  DOROTHY

  Oh?

  BILLY

  I see a woman who won’t let herself be pushed around. And if I can find a way that helps you get where you want to be, then I’m glad to do it. But when all’s said and done, you’re a lady. And I’m a wiseguy.

  DOROTHY

  I don’t know what you mean.

  BILLY

  Yes, you do.

  DOROTHY

  Yes, I guess I do.

  BILLY

  Drink up. I’ll run you back to the city.

  DOROTHY

  You don’t have to do that. I can take the PATH train.

  BILLY

  I’ve got to go into the city anyway. It’s not out of my way to take you wherever you’re going.

  DOROTHY

  If you’re sure.

  BILLY

  I’m sure. Or here’s another idea. We both have to eat, and I told you they serve a good steak here. Let me buy you dinner, and then I’ll run you home.

  DOROTHY

  Dinner.

  BILLY

  A shrimp cocktail, a salad, a steak, a baked potato—

  DOROTHY

  You’re tempting me.

  BILLY

  So let yourself be tempted. It’s just a meal.

  DOROTHY

  No. It’s more than a meal.

  BILLY

  It’s more than that if you want it to be. Or it’s just a meal, if that’s what you want.

  DOROTHY

  But you can’t know how far it might go. We’re back to that again, aren’t we? Like what you said about the gorilla, and you stop when the gorilla wants to stop.

  BILLY

  I guess I’m the gorilla, huh?

  DOROTHY

  You said the violence was the gorilla. Well, in this case it’s not violence, but it’s not you or me, either. It’s what’s going on between us, and it’s already going on, isn’t it?

  BILLY

  You tell me.

  DOROTHY

  (looks down at her hands, then up at him)

  A person has to eat.

  BILLY

  You said it.

  DOROTHY

  And it’s still foggy outside.

  BILLY

  Like pea soup. And who knows? There’s a good chance the fog’ll lift by the time we’ve had our meal.

  DOROTHY

  I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. You know something? I think it’s lifting already.

  CURTAIN

  MICK BALLOU LOOKS

  AT THE BLANK SCREEN

  “At first,” Mick Ballou said, “I thought the same as everyone else in the country. I thought the fucking cable went out.”

  We were at Grogan’s, the Hell’s Kitchen saloon he owns and frequents, and he was talking about the final episode of The Sopranos, which ended abruptly with the screen going blank and staying that way for ten or fifteen seconds.

  “And then I thought, well, they couldn’t think of an ending. But Kristin recalled the time Tony and Bobby were talking of death, and what it would be like, and that you wouldn’t even know it when it happened to you. So that was the ending, then. Tony dies, and doesn’t even know it.”

  It was late on a weekday night, and the closemouthed bartender had already shooed the last of the customers out of the place and put the chairs up on the tables, where they’d be out of the way when someone else mopped the floor in the morning. I’d been out late myself, speaking at an AA meeting in Marine Park, then stopping for coffee on the way home. Elaine met me with a message: Mick had called, and could I meet him around two?